Perfect

What you see, or I should say what you think you see in this picture… we all have this persona that we want people to see, the ideal self that we try really freaking hard to show to the world. But in reality, let's be real, no one likes people to see their faults, no one likes people to see that they are weak or that they don’t have it all together. Maybe it's just me but I find myself caring far too much about what other people think of me a lot of the time. I try really hard to be encouraging, the girl who is lifting everyone up and to be honest I think I am really good at it and it is one of my callings in life. But in the midst of trying to cheer everyone up or to encourage everyone  I think this image of a perfect life sometimes gets portrayed. The girl you see in this picture, to the world looks like she has it all together, that she is living the life people dream of. This girl is the one who left her comfort zone, the one who takes chances, the one who tries her hardest to go where God is leading her.

The same girl who is encouraging others to guard their thoughts, to go after their dreams,  to remember that they have what it takes. She is the same girl who sometimes has panic attacks in the subway that leave her hysterically crying, make her feel like she can’t breath and want to just sit down right in the middle of the dirty New York subway floors. She is the same girl who questions what on earth she is doing with her life, if she made the right choice. The illusion that we all have it together is just that, an illusion. We don’t all have it together, we don’t all have these picture perfect lives, we all have a lot going on, we all have things behind the scenes of our perfectly manicured instagram posts that those following us would never guess. And I think that is okay, it’s okay to want to be encouraging, its okay to want be seen as someone who is full of joy, its okay to speak life into others but I think we also need to remember that that is not the whole story. Behind the beautiful is sometimes a lot of struggle, a lot of hurt and just a lot of wondering if I am really making a difference and doing what I am called to be doing. 

The reality is that life is hard, it is not easy all the time and if you are in a mountaintop season know that difficulty will come, it's just part of it. I was standing down in the dirty subway leaning up against the wall in a full on panic attack trying not to just sit down right there, I somehow managed to get it under some sort of control with all of the coping mechanisms I know to drag my luggage the rest of the way up the stairs to catch the bus back to my crash pad. And by this time it was VERY obvious that I had been crying and crying a lot… but I didn’t really care and the good thing about New York is that most other people don’t care either. As I was walking home from the bus stop I felt another one coming on, see sometimes I can tell and other times I have no idea until I’m already knee deep in it, but this time it was different… the name of Jesus started rolling off of my lips and as much as I really don’t like being weak God reminded me that in my weakness he is made strong. 

See, you don’t have to have it all together for God to use you just as you are. You don’t have to have never made a mistake for the God of the universe to look at you, see you and use you. God gently reminded me of what he says in 2nd Corinthians that “his grace is sufficient for me and that his power is made perfect in my weakness.” I don’t have it all together, I over analyze, I second guess myself and God all the time but even in that his grace is enough, his power is still made perfect in me even in the midst of my mess. In the midst of my emotions overtaking me, in me feeling so weak and helpless God’s power was made perfect. 

Friends, don’t fall into the trap that you can’t be weak, that you have to have it all together all the time, that you always have to be strong because that just isn’t true. Oh, do I long for everyone to see the ideal me that has it all together, heck yeah I do, but what I have learned and am learning is that my brokeness, my weakness, me not having it all together is a better bridge than my pretty life all wrapped up with a bow on top. So know, when you see someone… when you start to wish that your life was as “perfect” as theirs remember that we all have stuff going on and to give you and others some grace and let Jesus be the one who makes you strong!