Do it scared

Do it scared! Ya’ll, that is what I am doing. I am pretty sure that I have had to give myself a pep talk multiple times a day since I have jumped in, what feels like way over my head might I add, here in NYC. Like Rach, let's not break down crying right here on the park bench type of pep talk. I pride myself on being independent, on not needing people, of always wanting adventure and being on the go… but these past few years have taught me that I need people in a big way. That being the strong “got it all together” girl in a lot of ways is just a front. Almost like I had this pride in not needing people, that I could always figure it all out on my own… which is so not true.

As I look out over these past few months, although they were extremely difficult, there are so many things that I have learned and continue to learn by stepping way out of my comfort zone. I am learning that I am pretty strong, stronger than I give myself credit. There is something so comforting about having a place to call home! I am learning to give myself some grace, that its okay not to be okay, to go in that bathroom stall and cry for a few minutes and then get right back to what you need to. It’s okay to not have a plan or for your life to not look that everyone else’s or what the world expects it to look like. That my friends and family are super important to me and I SO cherrish their support and encouragement more than they know! The pep talks when I wanted to quit, the encouragement to just keep going, the reminder that I really wanted change in my life and that its not going to be easy but  it won't always be this hard.

Every idea or plan that I had for what my life or even this season of my life would look like has not worked out anywhere close to what I thought it would. It seems to be a recurring theme over these past two years, just when I think I have this thing called life figured out something changes again. And in a strange way I have a sense of peace… I prayed before I jumped into this journey that God would open the doors that needed to be opened and close the ones that needed to be closed and I have this peace that he is going to work everything out. He is going to provide for my every little need - from buses and subways leaving when I need them to, to friends to stay with until I find a place of my own. Even though I don’t feel the slightest bit brave in all of this I am still walking forward just one day at a time! If you’re thinking of a change or if something just drastically changed in your life without notice trust that God is working everything out. If you’re scared, just keep walking one step at a time and know that most people who look like they’ve “got it all together” are really just faking it! The Lord promises that he will be a light unto our path - so take that next step, even if your terrified, even if you have to go cry it out in the bathroom for a second… but just keep walking and trusting that the Lord will direct you and provide for your every need! Know that you can do hard things, that you are stronger than you think you are, and that you will be okay!