Pep talks and coffee shops

Do you ever have to give yourself a little pep talk… like “this is just a phase, you will be okay” kind of pep talk. Like “you're doing great just keep going” like “ you’re actually doing this, take a second and be proud of yourself”. It's been one of those days, actually it's been a few months of giving myself pep talks but I keep coming back to the same conclusion… that I am blessed beyond anything that I can imagine. I would be lying if I said this journey over the past few years has been easy, I hate it when people tell me that I “look like I have it all together” because I totally don’t. But I think the catalyst for me to keep moving forward is gratitude. Gratitude for the amazing things that have happened in my life but also gratitude for the not so great things, the painful situations, the struggles because all of them are shaping and molding me for something more. 

When I look back I still see the pain and hurt sometimes, but do I want to go back to the Rachael that just goes through life not really digging in or being vulnerable with anyone…sometimes I do.  But...but then I am remind of all of the growth that has taken place, I look at all of the relationships that have grown so much deeper, I look at how God has opened doors that I wouldn't have even considered a few years ago. And I am overwhelmed with gratitude, gratitude that he loves me enough to not leave me where I was, that he has placed amazing friends in my life to listen, to push me forward, to encourage me, that he has provided for my every need before I even think I need it. I don’t have it all figured out and most days I royally screw it all up but even in my mess he still sees me, he loves me and just because I don’t always see it he is still working in my life. 

Moving to a new place is super exciting, especially a place like New York City, but it's not easy either. I think I pride myself on being super independent but I woke up this week feeling a little alone… I am an on the go person, I am filled up by being around people and while I am surrounded by thousands of people in this massive city there is nothing like having someone really see you and know you! And while I would love to experience all of these amazing adventures with those I love most I think God is teaching me to trust him even when I don’t know what the next step looks like. To be grateful for the little smiles that I get every once in awhile, for the people he has placed in my life to help me navigate this new journey, for the courage to go and explore on my own. I was talking to a friend this morning and it dawned on me, even with all of the unknowns I still have this insane peace about everything, which can only be from God. A peace that is certainly not something I am mustering up because if I really start to think about all the details that still need to be figured out the worry and the panic starts to set in, quite quickly might I add!  We can constantly focus on what was or what we think will be and totally miss out on everything amazing that is going on right around us. So I am starting again to make it a habit to be grateful for each moment. To try to be present in every moment even if it doesn't look like what I think it should. Life is really beautiful if you choose to see it that way. So this week I am choosing to focus on the beauty in the moment, the opportunities around me, the quiet moments by myself exploring this new city and I am choosing to be grateful for all of it even when I don't feel that way sometimes.