Unsettled

I am sitting on a plane drinking Prosecco, because why not, as I head back to NYC for work. I’m writing this on my poor little iPhone 7 because I refuse to buy a new phone until this one dies and I sure hope I didn’t just jinx myself lol! But let’s get back to it, life these days has been and is really unsettled.  Unsettled at home, unsettled in NY, everything just seems so up in the air. Like who knows what’s next? I think I am probably not the only one who feels this way these days. Maybe it’s just because I am getting older or maybe it’s because I am just more aware of my feelings but there is this feeling like there must be more to life than this. Maybe its more like I thought my life would look different than this. Yeah, I think that’s it. I had this idea of what I thought my life would look like and it looks nothing like I thought it would, and to be real honest I really struggle with that a lot of the time.  How do we have these dreams for what we want or hope life will look like and be but then our reality doesn’t match that at all! Life is just tough sometimes, reconciling what we thought would be with what actually is is just plain tough! I feel sometimes as though God has just left me out there to figure it out, I know that is not true but sometimes that’s just how it feels. 

 Humorously, my word for this past year was fearless and boy was it spot on. I don’t know if I would consider myself very brave or fearless but I think I am learning that being fearless is just putting one foot in front of the other. It’s just taking the next step even when you don’t have it all figured out. 

I think that might be something I am learning in this season, to just keep moving even when I don’t know what the next step is. To learn to trust that God really does have a plan that is so far greater than I can even imagine. I’m learning that it’s not my job to figure it out but it is my job to just keep taking the next step. That my feelings and emotions do not control me!!! That’s a tough one, that I think might be a lifelong lesson!  That my feelings a lot of times are wrong and that I don’t have to let them have a free for all with mind and my heart! 

This season of life does look very much up in the air, my things are in storage, I have a bed in NY and a bed in Florida and I pretty much live out of a carry on suitcase... it’s not always comfortable, it’s not always filled with grand adventures but in this season I think I am learning more and more to just roll with it. To fight the need to know and the anxiousness that comes with not knowing. I crave and find security in control and having a plan and most of the time that is not a good or healthy thing for me! This season is teaching me, whether I like it or not, to relinquish control. I am reminded over and over again what it says in proverbs “Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make.” Proverbs 3:5

It’s okay to feel out of control, it’s okay to be unsettled, it’s okay for life to not look like what you thought it would. I am not saying it’s easy but it is okay. Find hope that it’s not your job to figure it all out and then like a good friend of mine has reminded me time and time again, just roll with it!