One year

One year ago today I put on my brand new navy suit, pulled on my panty hose, slipped on a pair of black pumps and got out the bright red lipstick to pull it all together. I was a bit nervous, not because I didn’t think I would not knock the interview out of the the park, but I think more about all the changes that could come about if I were to get the job. I knew I would kill the interview, I was confident in my abilities but I don’t know if I really put a whole lot of thought into what it would look like if I were to actually take the job. That was probably a good thing because I think if I knew what I know now, if I knew how truly hard this past year would be, if I knew all of the unknowns, the crazy hours and schedules, the moving and moving and moving again that would take place I don't think I would have been so keen to say yes. 

But I did, on March 4th I interviewed and was offered the job. A job that over 30,000 people apply for, a job that only about 1000 a year actually get hired for and they picked me! A job that never in my wildest dreams thought I would do! I was honored but oh boy, did I have zero idea of what I was getting myself into. Hahaha

At a year I am still not sure this job is for me but that is okay. I am learning that it is not always about this massive destination but a lot of times we are where we are to just be there. To be present, to gain a different perspective, to maybe see new things or meet new people. Most of this year was spent really trying to figure out what was next, because after all I really did think that this job was just some sort of a catalyst into something. I still don’t know what that something else is but that's okay. I think if nothing else I am learning that this world has such a rigid timeline that it “wants” us to follow but sometimes the timeline needs to be thrown out the window. My timeline of what I want life to look like needs to be thrown out the window sometimes too! In this season of a whole lot of unknowns I think I am really learning to just be. To not try and figure it all out, to not be so fixated on a rigid timeline of what I want life to look like that I miss what is right in front of me. 

Even though this year has been WAY harder than I expected it to be I don’t think I would change it. Maybe change some of the silly decisions I have made along the way, or the time i’ve wasted fretting about not being where I am “supposed” to be or things not working out how I want them to. But there has been a lot of good in this year, a lot of growth - most of which I don’t know think has actually come to fruition yet. 

If you are in a season of change, of unknown, of looking for the next step maybe what you need to do is to just stop and be. Be present where you are, quit looking for the next step, ask God what he wants to show you or do in you right now where you are. That is what I am doing! Trust me I want SO badly to know what is next but I think the best thing for me to do is to just be. 

There is so much around you right now that you might miss out on if you are always focused on what is next. Take time to rest, to be alone, to find joy in the present because there will always be ups and downs in life, some things will work just like you thought and others might not look anything like you anticipated. But if I have learned anything this year, my God will not leave me hanging, he does have my best interest at heart and that is true for you to my friend! 

I don’t know what is next, but I do know that my God does know and me learning to just be and rest in him, although, not at all easy, is really good!