Both + &
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This season of my life has been full of a lot of Both + &… you might be a little confused by what I mean when I say that so let me explain myself a little.
I am in a totally new spot in life and to be quite frank I feel like I am wandering around in the dark half the time, wondering what on earth I am doing. I took a chance and made a huge change but was it the right one, did make a mistake? But when I really think about it, I think I made the right choice. My life at 34 looks nothing like I expected it to… I am not married or even in a relationship at the moment. I just took a new job, semi on a whim, were I really have zero control over my schedule or the ability to plan anything at all. I don’t have a house or a pet or kids… my life looks very different from most people my age… and while there are times that I long for all of those things. The husband, the kids, the house to have people over to all the time but I am also content and grateful for where my life has taken me so far.
Both + & is an interesting place to be, it's a place where you hold the hopes and dreams of what you long will one day be with the reality of what actually is. Society wants us to pick a side, the world isn’t super okay with having dreams but still being content with where you are at that very moment. The world says you should always strive for the next, the next job, the next big success break, you should always be on the lookout for the next date, the next potential boyfriend because you know…your clock is ticking...thanks world, I am well aware lol
Living in the Both + & means I get to embrace were I am at, I get to be present were I am and enjoy each moment. It also means I get to be sad for what has not yet come to pass in my life, it means I get to still hope and dream and even strive just a little for the longings in my heart. For the past few years at the beginning of every year I have picked a word for the year and this year I really felt that my word for the year is fearless… little did I know that I would be walking almost every day having to choose to be fearless. Learning to be okay with not knowing everything, learning to trust that God knows way better what's best for me than I do. Learning that it’s okay that my life doesn’t look like most people my age. Learning to not be afraid of having enough money or knowing the next step, or making new friends, or moving to a new city, or learning to just take chances and just make decisions without fear. The both + & means keeping at the forefront of my mind what God says in Phillipians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
I might not know the next step but the both + & in that is that it's okay. It's that I don’t have to figure it all out, its okay to be sad and hope for things I long for in life and still be present and enjoy where I am at. Daily I have to remind myself to be proud of myself for how far I have come, for taking risks, for being brave enough to hold the both + &. A lot of days I fail and fall into defeat because my life looks nothing like I expected it too. I think that's the wonderful thing about life and about Jesus though, he sees the both + &, he sees the hopes and dreams and the reality of right now and in that both & and he is beckoning me to trust him. Trust him that I don’t have to have all the answers because he does, that he is the one responsible for me, that he is the one who has promised to provide for all of my needs according to his plan and purpose. He is the one who says I am called and equipped and gives me everything I need to do everything he has called me to do.
So today, if you are in the scary middle of both + & - press into each side. Hold the hopes and dreams you have in one hand and the longings and sadness of what has not yet come in the other and know that you are not alone in it. I know I need others to remind me that it's okay, that God has not forgotten about me, I need others to stand in that messy middle with me because I don’t stand there well on my own. Have the freedom today to step into the messy middle with me, we all have a messy middle and it looks different for everyone but there is hope in knowing that you are not in the Both + &.
